


Lost and Found

by Xanateria



Series: Man's Best Friend [1]
Category: The Sentinel
Genre: AU, M/M, canine characters, canine search and rescue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-07
Updated: 2012-03-07
Packaged: 2017-11-01 15:06:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/358206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xanateria/pseuds/Xanateria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They say life is what happens when you make other plans. After leaving a stressful job in Cascade, former detective Jim Ellison never intended to work in canine search and rescue. But he finds that he likes the solitude his new life offers. When graduate student Blair Sandburg goes missing, Jim learns that sometimes we find exactly what we need when we run away from what we can't handle, and just because you rescue someone doesn't mean they won't rescue you right back. A story that teaches us that when it comes to destiny, no matter how complicated it seems, man's best friend really does know best.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost and Found

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the Sentinel Big Bang 2011. Thanks to Beth for amazing artwork that I just cannot say enough good things about. If her art hadn't inspired me so much, I am not sure I could have finished this story, given how crazy life is for me right now. Last, but by no means least, a huge thanks to annieb1955 for her extremely thorough beta job. I had to make some additions after she fixed my blunders, so any remaining mistakes are completely my fault.
> 
> If you wish to see the art that was made for this story, ****[CLICK HERE](http://stargatesg1971.livejournal.com/40410.html)

Twilight was falling by the time I managed to find the cabin I had rented sight unseen the week before. It turned out to be quite a bit larger than I expected; log and fieldstone provided a nice frame for huge picture windows dominating the front wall of the living room. It was cold enough that I could see my breath as I grabbed my duffle bag off the passenger seat of the truck. The key the woman from the real estate office had given me was sticky, but I managed to get the door open. A quick look around proved that someone had obviously been in to check things over and stock the kitchen, which I appreciated. It only took a few minutes to stow my clothes in the single bedroom. I dropped my travel kit in the bathroom after I poked my head in to see if it was going to be a pain in the ass. That was when I got a pleasant surprise. Not only was the room larger than any bathroom I’d had, the shower was a glassed in custom job big enough to throw a party in and the large soaker tub was only slightly smaller. Whoever built the place had obviously enjoyed his creature comforts, and I could hardly wait to do the same.

The drive up had been long enough to have me feeling stiff and sore, but I needed food before I could indulge in a soak. Grabbing one of the beers from the fridge, I took a long drink, as I gathered sandwich fixings and began a mammoth construction. Since there was no one to see me, I dropped onto the couch and settled the plate in my lap, rather than sitting properly at the table. After so long coping with the city sounds and bustle, it was unsettling to hear only the sounds of nature, and my own body. I knew for a fact that my nearest neighbour was almost half an hour away, since solitude and isolation had been on my list of prerequisites for the property. The realtor had asked questions at first, probably wondering if I was a famous recluse. I implied that I might be willing to buy the rental property eventually but only if my privacy was respected. The questions stopped almost immediately, and I ignored the curiosity in her voice. It worked out well.

I’d been so focused on getting out of Cascade for so long that it seemed strange to be sitting there without the next thing on my list looming over me. I’d managed to leave the police force on reasonably good terms. Officially, I’d taken an indefinite leave of absence due to a family emergency. Unofficially, they told me they would hold my job as long as they could, while I took some time off and got my head together. That’s all I ever said I needed to do: get my head together. How could I possibly explain what had become my reality? It was bad enough that my senses were going haywire. When it didn’t stop after a few weeks, and some doctors visits, I had to face how scared I was that someone was going to get hurt because I was trying to deal with a sensory spike.

I don’t know what’s worse, the overwhelming smells, the tastes I could no longer stand, or the noises that I heard even though it should have been impossible. Doctors, even the high priced specialists, were baffled. I was so desperate I even tried alternative therapies, like acupuncture and massage. But they didn’t help. In fact, I blanked out on the massage lady, got lost in the sensation of her hands on my skin somehow. She was freaked, even though I covered by saying I had seizures. And shit like that kept happening, despite the fact that the medical community found me whole and hearty. There was nothing wrong with me that they could find. Once they started hinting that I might want to find a therapist, I realized that whatever was going on, modern medicine didn’t have the answer. 

I couldn’t risk myself or anyone else any longer, no matter how much I’d come to love my job. So, I did the sensible thing and got the hell out. But, that didn’t mean I had the first clue what the hell I was going to do now. A bead of condensation slid down the beer bottle and over my hand, the cold wetness jolted me out of my gloomy train of thought. Shaking my head, I drank some more of my beer, which even cooperated and tasted normal. I’d done exactly what I set out to do, so it made no sense to sit around feeling sorry for myself. With a little luck, reducing my stress would help level out my senses, but if not, I would figure something out. 

***

As it turned out, I was wrong about that. I didn’t find the solution to my problems, it found me. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Fresh country air and solitude helped for a while, but the problems returned. Since I wasn’t on the job, I wasn’t endangering anyone, so I tried to tolerate the migraines, the lost time when I blanked out, even the fact that I had to restrict my diet to such bland foods it felt like I should be getting my meals in a cafeteria somewhere. After about a week in my new home, I was running low on supplies, so I took the truck into the nearest town. Fielding isn’t exactly a bustling metropolis, but so much the better. Fewer people meant less of all the things that seemed to trigger problems. That could only be a plus. And the speck of a town had a grocery and a hardware store, so it would do. Five minutes of shopping proved that the prices were inflated but the selection was surprisingly good, and the produce was fresh, so it balanced out.

I set the bags in the passenger seat of the truck, mentally reviewing my list of things I needed, trying to make sure I hadn’t forgotten anything. Just as I was closing the door, I realized I could hear a woman and man arguing about how he wasn’t going to take them anywhere, whoever they were. I couldn’t tell exactly how far away they were, but I was walking over just to assure myself that everything was under control before I even realized I was moving. Old habits die hard, I guess.

After a few blocks, I came to the front of a long low building that combined the smells of many different kinds of animals and an acrid tang I recognized as an antiseptic. With a combination like that, it was a good bet veterinary clinic, but my attention was on the two people obviously in mid argument in front of it. The woman was tall and right on the line of too slender, with masses of white blonde hair pulled back in a messy pony tail. I couldn’t see her face directly, but from what I could see, she looked more like she belonged on a catwalk than in the middle of a sleepy, small town, but then again, I didn’t exactly fit in either, so who was I to say? The man was as wide as he was tall and looked more like a Neanderthal than anything else. Still, he had enough brain cells functioning to back up a step when I got in his personal space. 

“This isn’t your business, buddy,” he tried to bluster. It fell flat, since he clearly didn’t want me to come any closer.

“We aren’t friends,” I told him. “So I’m not your buddy. Whatever it is that you think belongs to you, the lady clearly disagrees. So why don’t you do yourself a favour and clear out while everything is still in one piece?” I suggested. With his greasy hair and pudgy beer belly, it was highly unlikely the other man would present any kind of a challenge. I don’t make idle threats, but since I didn’t know him, or his situation, I pondered non-essential bones I could break while he engaged the few brain cells he had left. It was almost a disappointment when he turned and stomped to a dirty pickup truck with oversized tires. 

“Good riddance,” the woman muttered when the truck door had slammed behind him. When she turned to face me, I expected a smile, maybe even a touch of gratitude. Instead, I got an angry scowl, and wide blue eyes that all but shot fire at me. “So, are you about to become an even bigger problem for me than Kenny? I don’t know you, or why you ran him off, but those dogs of his aren’t for sale and neither are the pups. I don’t care what he promised you.” 

You do someone a favour and it bites you in the ass. My dad liked to tell me when I was a kid, and it looked like he was still right. “I don’t know Kenny, or you, and I have no interest in the puppies I presume you were arguing about. I just don’t like it when a man doesn’t take no for an answer.” It wasn’t much of an explanation, so I turned to leave before I could get myself into more trouble.

“Wait,” the woman called after me, and her tone made it clear she wasn’t thrilled about it. 

I stopped before I thought about it, and looked back. “What? Now you want to scream at me too?” I was tired, hungry, and more than a little irritated, so the sarcasm just slipped out.

Oddly enough, that made her smile. “I’m sorry. I took my anger with that caveman out on you,” she apologized. “I’m Dylan Richards. I’m a dog trainer, here in Fielding, well, among other things. I also work with our county humane society. That’s what started all the ruckus today.

I nodded, more out of politeness than anything else. She didn’t owe me an explanation. “I’m Jim Ellison,” I replied. “I’m renting a cabin not far from town.” I learned a long time ago that it isn’t a good idea to leave the folks in a small town curious about you. They’ll make up all kinds of things in the absence of actual fact. With the niceties over, I would have left, but she wasn’t finished with me yet.

“Oh yeah, I heard about you from Shirley, your realtor,” Dylan told me. “Look, by way of apology and to welcome you to town, let me buy you some lunch or a cup of coffee.” 

She’d gone from combative and angry to conciliatory awfully fast, but I knew stubborn when I saw it, and I was hungry. Still, I debated with myself, since going with her would require me to be social. 

“Come on. I promise, I’m not looking for a husband for myself or any unmarried daughters. That’s more than you can say about most of the people in this town.” As persuasion went, it lacked punch but at least it was honest. If she was that comfortable poking fun at the townspeople, maybe we could have a half decent conversation.

“Great,” Dylan answered with another smile. “I’ll show you the cafe and try not to talk your ear off about my latest project.”

I was already trapped with her, so I couldn’t make tracks in the other direction, but when she said that, I wanted to. 

When she caught a glimpse of my face as we walked, Dylan dissolved into laughter. “Don’t worry, Jim. I only meant I started as a trainer for the local canine search and rescue group recently. It’s nothing that will threaten your masculinity, I promise,” she finished with a chuckle.

***

I’ve never really been very good at mainstream. It’s one of the first things I remember about my mom. My Blair doesn’t conform. He never follows the crowd. And she’d say it with so much pride, I ended up proud of it too. I’m comfortable with who I am and if people don’t like it, well, they don’t have to have much to do with me, do they? That’s as polite as I can put it, but I am sure you get the idea. Still, people get hung up on my hair, or the earring or even the health food, and decide they need to get in my face. Being underestimated isn’t all bad, but it can be a pain in the ass. Over the years, to counteract that, I’ve learned how to blend in to my environment, show people what they want to see. My mom claims that is the whole reason I went into anthropology in the first place, because I am fascinated with how people adapt to anything and everything. Truth be told, she’s not totally wrong, though that’s not the entire reason.

I was always so good at fitting in that when it started getting harder, I shrugged it off. Student life, even for a graduate student, isn’t exactly an optimal blend of proper nutrition, sleep, or stress management, so it made sense to me that I would get rattled occasionally. The first time I noticed it, it was because I was angry. Not irritated, not annoyed, but so angry I was shaking with it. I almost put a hole in the wall of the closet turned office I spent far too much time in. The weird part was that there was no reason for it. I was having a good day. My intro class had done well on their exam, and the rare book I’d been waiting for was in. I left for the day when the anger wore off, grateful that I didn’t run into anyone I knew. 

The second and third time it happened, I wasn’t angry, but so filled with hopelessness and despair that I actually had tears in my eyes. It was another decent day: I’d gotten my car from the shop, and was planning to go grocery shopping after my late office hours. I had absolutely nothing to be so adrift about, but it hit me so hard, I lost an hour to sitting on a bench, just trying to breathe my way through it. I pulled myself together and made it to my car, and then home but I don’t remember much of the night. The next day, it happened again, this time while I was still stretched out in bed in the converted warehouse I lived in. Well, actually, it wasn’t really converted, but that sounds better than saying I had cobbled together a rough living space in one end of the cavernous space.

The second wave of despair made the darkness feel like it was pressing on me, even after I turned on my lamp. I felt very small, huddled beneath my blankets, and so alone that it was actually a physical ache. That should have felt wrong; I always enjoyed time alone, and having space to enjoy that I had made my own. For another hour that seemed endless, that didn’t matter. As I lay there, I couldn’t have told anyone why my life was worth living if it really had been a matter of life and death. When the wave of emotion broke, I was breathing hard, drained and shaking, like I’d been running flat out. After that day, I never knew when it would happen. I would get hit with waves of emotion but there was no pattern to them. I thought maybe the feelings were my own, long repressed maybe, and finally breaking free. Then I wondered if I was somehow projecting what I thought were other people’s feelings onto myself. Whatever the cause, I couldn’t control the emotions, only endure them. All the obfuscations in the world couldn’t hide the effects from my friends and colleagues, but I downplayed them as best I could and clung to my routines like they were a life raft.

It wasn’t exactly pleasant, but I managed. Then things went from bad to worse, because of a mess no one saw coming. A first year student named Randall Clarke was the victim of some freshman hazing. The practice wasn’t condoned by the university, but they couldn’t control everything. I never did get the whole story of what the upperclassmen put him through, the rumour mill said they humiliated him and got pictures to prove it. Even worse, his girlfriend saw the pictures, some of which involved him in a staged compromising position with another guy and broke up with him. A week later, he was found dead in his dorm room. His roommate came home and found him after he hung himself. In and of itself, that was upsetting enough, but the emotional overloads got worse. It seemed like every time I went out I was bombarded with sadness, anger, guilt, or some combination of all three. I stopped wondering where it was coming from because I didn’t have the energy for curiosity. I stopped going anywhere that wasn’t absolutely necessary, because it didn’t happen when I was asleep, that I could remember, and it seemed to happen much less if I was alone.

After almost a week of this, I gave serious thought to quitting. I loved my academic world and for the most part, I thought teaching was rewarding. I just couldn’t handle being on campus. The administration brought in counsellors to deal with the fallout from the suicide, but the mood was beyond tense. With the funeral scheduled in just a few days, I couldn’t help but worry about how much worse it was going to get. I tried meditating, herbal remedies to relax. Hell, I was so wound up, I took the sleeping pill that one of the other TAs pressed on me, but it didn’t help. Before I could do anything drastic, Eli, my old faculty advisor came to see me in my office with another option. He wanted me to help lead a small expedition. I was so thrilled at the thought of getting away from campus, from the city itself, I accepted before he’d finished his explanation. Of course, that might not have been the wisest move.

***

An hour. Sixty measly minutes. That’s how far into the trip I managed to get before I questioned my sanity. When Dr. Buckner originally suggested me as a co-leader for the field expedition exercise, I was flattered enough that I didn’t stop to think about what I was letting myself in for. The idea was to give some of the more committed students a taste of what they would experience once they were actually working in the field. We were a little short of reclusive jungle tribes or other primitive societies in Cascade, but we could improvise. A mining operation had uncovered the remains of an ancient native settlement in the upper reaches of the mountains. Once the archaeological personnel opened the site to visitors they had asked Dr. Buckner to come take a look at the findings and help them fill in the picture of who had been there and what their life had been like. After he’d accepted, he’d informed me that he would meet me at the base camp that had been established. The lucky bastard got to fly in. He thought it would be a better learning experience for the students to hike.

I’m not stranger to treks through inhospitable wild places. But it wasn’t the wilds that were the problem. Even though they had received a detailed packing list in advance, and in spite of the fact that we had discussed the trip in depth, nearly half of the group were already complaining about the cold. Those that weren’t complaining about the weather probably would have been, except they were too busy gasping, wheezing, or otherwise indicating that they were woefully unprepared for the day long hike we were only just beginning. Despite the complaints, I breathed deeply, enjoying being out of the city so much, I had plenty of energy to be encouraging. Keely, the petite blonde who had been assigned as my co-leader had an understated sense of humour that helped smooth over the worst of the whining. 

As we climbed higher, Keely slowed her steps until she was walking beside me and gestured to indicate the last two stragglers who were getting far enough behind to be a concern. “Do you want to go get them, or should I?” she asked, just loud enough for me to hear.

I debated, but only for a second. “I’ll hurry them along,” I told her. “You keep the main group on schedule.” 

She nodded and picked up her pace to rejoin the front of the group, while I headed for the two that were behind. “Come on, you guys. Shake a leg. We need to keep the whole group together,” I called to them. They didn’t answer, and as I got closer I could hear they were fighting. Another few steps and I realized with a sinking feeling in my stomach that I had inadvertently walked into the middle of what seemed to be a nasty break up. The closer I got, the more the words blurred under a wave of anger, jealousy, and bitter hurt that I couldn’t block out well enough to even form full sentences. 

“Hey,” I called, holding a hand to my pounding head.“Stop,” I hollered, when they continued shouting at each other.

Of course, they didn’t event pause. That would have been too easy. I tried to remain calm and professional, but I was tired of being overwhelmed by emotions, even if they weren’t my own. “I swear to all that’s holy, I’ll see the next person who speaks expelled from Rainier faster than snow melts in July,” I shouted.

That managed to get their attention. Blessed silence fell, broken only by the rustling of a bird taking flight from a nearby tree. After a moment, both of them turned to face me, but even as silence fell, I stumbled to my knees. Now the bitterness receded, replaced by embarrassment, and the hurt intensified. I heard a moan I realized distantly was my own. With an effort that made me break out in a sweat, I made it back to my feet. 

“I’m sorry that you’re having problems, but whatever they are, they have no place on this expedition. Put it away, and act like professionals, or I’ll recommend you be sent back home when we reach the site,” I told them both. 

I ignored the concerned looks they were both giving me by this point and gestured in the direction the group had gone. “You both need to catch up to the group. Sooner, rather than later would be good,” I directed. “I’m going to take a few minutes for myself. Tell Keely as soon as you see her that I’ll rejoin the group shortly.” First rule of group travel: stay with the group. As much as I knew that, I needed some space so I could have a break from emotional overload. Once I had that, I’d feel better.

Most times, if I wanted something enough, I could will myself to do it. Why should controlling whatever was going on with me be any different? As I questioned myself, I walked slowly, enjoying the sounds and smells of nature. Surrounded by this much vegetation, the rich smell of new plant growth mixed with the musk of whatever was older and decayed.Now that there were no raised voices, I could see more signs of animal life, but nothing loud enough to signify a predator large enough to worry about. 

Later I would be forced to admit that I suffered due to my own natural clumsiness. With only a few minutes left of the short break I allowed myself, I moved to step over a fallen log. The cuff of my pants snagged on the wood and I tripped. For a moment it seemed I might be able to catch myself. Time slowed to a crawl. Without even time to feel fear, I fell sideways, careened off the rough path marked by the passing of the rest of the group. My head bounced off rocks, stumps, and grass, my limbs flailed awkwardly. The first impact had knocked the breath out of me, the subsequent ones sent bursts of pain radiating fire throughout my body. This was definitely not good. I hadn’t realized there was a drop off to the one side of our hiking route at any point, but trust my luck to find it. Luckily, rather than jagged rocks at the bottom, there was another series of ledges. There was just long enough for me to wonder how long I would be in the hospital this time before my head struck something that made an ominous thunk. Then everything went black.

***

The phone shrilled for two rings before I managed to grab the handset. It took two tries to clear my throat. “I really hope this is important,” I said, as I rolled over to look at the clock. “Especially given that dawn won’t break for another two hours.

“Jim, I know you’re only on alternate status, but we just got a call about a missing hiker and we’re in a time crunch this time. The weather service says we’re about to get slammed by one hell of a summer storm,” Dylan replied soberly.“I know you had a rough few days, but if you’re feeling better, we could really use you. We’re headed out in thirty.”

The migraine that had tormented me for the past two days was close enough to gone that I could nod without wanting to remove my head. “All right. We’ll be there.” Habits made things easier. There was no need to think while I got up and dressed. Of course, as soon as I moved, Amiga woke up, so I fed her breakfast and then opened the door so she could go do her business.

“Sorry, girl,” I apologized, as I let her back in the door. “Much as I would love to let us both sleep longer, we have to go find someone before they get wet.” Her tail thumped at find. She knew what that meant, of course. There was no doubt in my mind that Amiga knew the ins and outs of search and rescue even better than I did. And not just because she started her training before I did, and passed with flying colours. She’s patient with the fact that it took me so much longer to pick things up. In fact, she was the one who decided I was her person. Oh, sure, Dylan suggested I adopt a dog almost as soon as I met her, but I shrugged it off. There were still too many days I could barely take care of myself. What the hell business did I have inflicting myself on a dog?

Any man with half a lick of sense knows that the women of the world stick together. It explains why Dylan and Amiga were both so determined to have their way. It started with a temporary foster home. But once she lived at the cabin, I made an important discovery. Amiga had a calming effect on all of my senses. Of course, the trade off was that I had to adjust to having dog hair on everything in the cabin, but that was surprisingly easy. At first, she was a little ball of orange and black fluff, but her fur grew in long and soft, and she settled into a solid black with burnt orange socks, ear and tail tips. Her shape was predominantly Husky, but there were hints of other breeds in her long legs, slightly wider build, and of course, the longer hair. I learned to sweep and vacuum more often but I was already a neat freak, so that wasn’t a huge deal. I brushed Amiga more often than she was accustomed to, but she didn’t seem to mind. 

It helped that for a dog, Amiga was exceptionally easy to live with from the get go: obedient and so happy to face each day, her enthusiasm was contagious. The real turning point for us was the day she brought me back to myself. I woke up early on a Friday and decided a hike on some of the trails around the cabin was in order. It was a great way to enjoy the late spring weather and the fantastic local scenery. The brief rain shower in the early morning left everything fresh and clean. Unfortunately, I looked so closely at the drops of dew on some of the leaves that I lost track of everything else. It had happened before, just one more fun part of the haywire senses package. Only this time, instead of losing hours, I only drifted for a few minutes. When I came back to myself, Amiga was wedged up against me, as she nudged my hips, hands and any other parts she could reach. My hands were wet where she’d licked me and she was still barking, loudly insistent. Best as I could figure, she did all that until I came back to myself. How she knew to engage all of my senses other than vision to bring me back, I have no idea. But it’s hard to argue with what works, and she’s done it more than once. So far, it hasn’t happened around anyone but her, and I would like to keep it that way. It is a comfort though, to know she can do it.

Once I knew what she was capable of, it made more sense to take her to the specialized classes for search and rescue. Dylan assured me she would be Amiga’s handler, but damned if the work didn’t catch my interest. I tried to remind myself about all the reasons it wasn’t a good idea. Almost as if it was determined to spite me, my senses behaved almost normally for the entirety of the sessions. Before I knew it, I was learning about scent cones and search grids. Thanks to the military, I already knew how to handle myself outdoors, and the basic first aid every team member needed was not a problem. Not even I could deny that my senses were an asset for searches, when they behaved anyway.It was the unknown that was the real problem. Even outside the city, I never knew when I’d end up with an excruciating headache from lights that were too bright, or a ringing in my ears that wouldn’t stop, or Christ only knew what else. Sure, I coped alright. I rarely went anywhere without Amiga, my faithful shadow, but that wasn’t the point. I could hardly tell Dylan that, when she demanded an explanation for why I wouldn’t join the team full-time.

My alternate status was the best compromise we could come up with. It allowed for the flexibility to pick and choose, up to a point anyway, when I would join the team. Dylan liked to keep tabs on me, as a friend, despite the fact that the friendship had surprised the hell out of both of us. I wouldn’t have tolerated it, but it meant she rarely called when I was dealing with sensory problems. She knew better than to poke the bear. Besides, she was too blunt for the concern to feel more like I was smothered, and she took my answers at face value. That’s more than I can say for my ex-wife, who was really the only other woman I’d spent this much time with in years. Even so, I couldn’t tell her about the guilt. Every time I couldn’t go out on a call, and the team didn’t get a positive outcome, a little voice inside me liked to remind me that it was my fault someone’s loved one hadn’t made it home.

Not this time though. This time, I was good to go, but if I didn’t want to catch hell at the briefing, I needed to hurry up and get the dog and the gear in the truck. Woolgathering while I was on autopilot out the door was one thing, but now I needed to focus on the job at hand. I managed not to be late to the briefing, though it was close. Fortunately, Rafe came in behind me, and Megan was too busy with speculation about what, or more precisely who, had made him late to pay me much attention. Megan’s dog, a Shepherd named Apollo still wasn’t a hundred percent, so she wasn’t even upset at not going into the field today. Dylan was working Montague today, since she took turns between him, Capulet, and Othello. Apparently, she’s always been a fan of Shakespeare, though she shortens all three names when it suits her. Calm, but obviously pleased to be present, Montague is a black lab, like his two partners in crime. Since they weren’t on the clock yet, I gave Amiga permission to go over and say hello, and followed behind her.

It was Dylan who explained Taggert had come down with a case of food poisoning. That put him and his Shepherd, Nitro, on the bench, and explained why Dylan had called me. The other missing member, Henri Brown, was already on scene as liaison with the local authorities. He wouldn’t have been my first choice for that role, but that was my mistake. I’ve seen him in action, and he could get information out people from any agency, calm victim’s families, and still have energy left over to be sure that everything was verified before we were sent the victim information.Dylan had informed me a few weeks ago that Brown had lost his dog Sable to cancer some months ago. He’d declined another canine partner, which I could understand better, now that Amiga had taken over my life so completely. Instead, he volunteered to take the liaison position on a semi-permanent basis.The rest of us rotated team positions based on Simon’s say so and our own experience. 

Since we were still inside, Simon’s ever-present cigar wasn’t lit, thankfully. I’d explained the trouble I had with cigar smoke, and ever since, he only smoked when he was outside if I was around. He might be man of few words, but he could be surprisingly considerate. “Our callout today is for one Blair Sandburg, graduate student, with a University expedition to the that new dig site up near the north end of the State Park. He and another grad student, Keely Watson, were leading fourteen students on a day hike up to the site. From what I understand, the idea was to give them a taste of field work. Sandburg dropped back to motivate a couple of stragglers and wasn’t seen again. The group looked for him, but after an hour, Watson determined that they needed to continue on to the site and let authorities know he was missing. The clock started half an hour ago. We’re being trucked to the start of the hiking trail the group was taking. Due to the large area we need to cover, we won’t be going out in pairs, so it will be vital we all stay in radio contact. We’ll have spotty cell reception too, so make sure your batteries are charged.” 

He paused for a moment. “I’ve got the description sheets with his vital stats, what he was wearing, the usual. Take a good look, people. We’re short on time, the storm is slated to hit and hit hard in about four hours. We’ll only be allowed to continue the search as long as the local authorities deem it safe.”

It was under an hour’s drive to the staging area. Megan immediately set up the command post she would need, and passed out the grid assignments she and Dylan had come up with on the trip over. I checked the description once more. Amiga sat beside me, tongue lolled out in a smile. By now, she recognized the routine just as well as I did, and she knew we would be headed out soon. I wasn’t sure where the clothes with his scent on them had come from, but as I waited for our turn with them, there was a strange intensity to the preparation for me. I’d never heard the name before, and I had certainly been involved with more tragic scenarios. Still, I couldn’t shake it. This man was important to me somehow. I just wished I knew why.

My eyebrows went up when I unsealed the bag with the brightly colored vest in it, but my opinion of the guy’s fashion sense didn’t change what we were here for. I let Amiga get the deep breaths she needed and gave her the command she was waiting for. “That’s Blair, Amiga. Find him. Find Blair.” As soon as she heard that, she was ready to go, all but quivering in her eagerness. Once I was sure my supply pack was secure, I gave Dylan and Simon, assigned to the sectors on either side of me a wave, and we set off. There was no way to know if the missing man had backtracked and if so, how far. That meant we had to start where the group had started and see what turned up. After an hour, I stopped to water Amiga, and have some myself. She was still eager, though the terrain was rocky and the underbrush was dense, so I didn’t prolong the rest. 

I kept half an ear on the reports from the other teams, but so far there was no sign of Sandburg, or his belongings. The wind started to pick up, and I paused again to refresh the scent for Amiga, but she was still insistent on her direction. It was easy enough to find our way. That many people, especially with so many of them inexperienced, made quite an impression on the trail. We didn’t stay directly on it. Instead, Amiga led me through a swath of land to the left of it, close enough to the neighboring drop off that it’s lucky I’m not afraid of heights. We kept at it, but the weather was against us. The temperature dropped and the clouds that the wind blew in were dark enough that I worried the sprinkles of rain we’d seen so far would turn to snow.

A few minutes later, Megan radioed with the latest weather update, which called for thunder instead of snow, but neither option was appealing. We still hadn’t located our target. Unfortunately, whether he was found or not, Megan informed me that we were to turn back and return to base in half an hour, due to the deteriorating weather conditions. I meant to acknowledge and agree, but the words stuck in my mouth. I didn’t know the guy, but the thought of leaving him out in the wilderness, especially in the middle of a storm left a bad taste in my mouth, not to mention a throb in my temple and a weight on my chest. It made no sense, but my body didn’t care.

“Megan, can you check with Simon and see if he’s okay with me staying out here to see if the storm blows itself out?” I paused to consider how best to defend my decision. “I’m no stranger to bad weather. I have all my survival gear, including my tent.”

“I’ll check, Jim. Standby.” Despite the urgency of the situation, Megan’s voice was calm as a matron hosting a dinner party. I liked that about her. 

“You’re cleared to camp and continue, if you want to, so long as you stay in radio contact with the park ranger station, once we sign off. The standard search will resume after sunrise if the weather clears. I’ll let you know when the team is back at it. But Simon says to tell you, if you take any stupid chances, he’ll kick your ass harder than any storm possibly could.” Rather than amused, she sounded more serious. “Be careful, I think he means it, and for that matter, so do I.”

“Duly noted,” I answered. “I believe you,” I told her, before I signed off to set up my tent and be sure Amiga and I would be comfortable. I had barely gotten the tent up and us and our things inside before the clouds let the rain loose in sheets.We were dry and relatively warm at least. I dug out the dog food and collapsible bowls. Once Amiga had food, she settled in her corner next to my sleeping bag. I offered her the chance to go out, but she only gave me a look that clearly asked me if I was crazy. I couldn’t blame her. I preferred to do my swimming in a lake, myself. 

I ate some of the jerky and trail mix from my pack and climbed into my sleeping bag. It made sense to get some rest while I could. As much as I knew that, I couldn’t settle down. After I shifted around for a few minutes, Amiga whined at me in question. “Don’t look at me,” I told her. “I don’t know either.” I reached up to hang the small battery powered lantern. The sun was already starting to set, and with the addition of the storm clouds in the mix, it was going to get darker faster than usual. Better to know where it was when I needed it. 

It made no sense to try and search in the dark in the rain. I knew that, but the urge to keep going was so strong, it was all I could do not to gear up. Instead, I lay back down, and settled an arm into Amiga’s hair, so I could rub her shoulders the way she liked. She approved of that with a deep, contented sigh. I smiled, though it felt wrong to smile, when I knew he was out there, gathering darkness, tempestuous weather, possible injuries and all. I had no reason to think he was injured, no reason to care so much if he was, but the idea of it bothered me. 

I must have dozed, because I woke up when the sound of rain against canvas stopped.I checked my watch, and blinked the sleep out of my eyes. Three and a half hours had passed since I sacked out. I’d hoped to feel rested; instead I was more on edge than anything else. Still, I made an effort to lie back down. Before I could settle, Amiga nudged my arm, with an imperious look at the door of the tent. I laughed, but she only did it again. “I can’t go after him in the dark,” I told her, but the words sounded tentative even to me. When she gestured again, I sighed. It wouldn’t hurt to look. The rasp of the zipper sounded too loud, and I nearly flinched. Once the door unzipped all the way, I stuck my head out, and had to smile. The ferocious storm had blown itself out, leaving a cloudless sky streaked with stars. More importantly, the moon was full, or near enough to it that silvery moonlight gave me more than enough light to see by. It was a complete violation of procedure, but in that moment it didn’t matter.

After a few minutes to think about it, I decided to leave my tent set up where it was. It wasn’t wise to go too far from it in the middle of the night, no matter how well I could see. If I looked for a bit and came up empty handed, I could get more rest then break it down. If by some chance I did find him, well, it would be better to have ashelter to bring him to, where he could be relatively comfortable. Given the terrain and how wet everything was, if it took more than just me to get him out of here, it was going to take time for help to get to me.

I let Amiga out first, so she could stretch her legs and use nature’s facilities. She jumped out with her usual happy bark, but then went directly to the bushes and came back to me. Despite the numerous distractions the forest presented, she was the picture of business, and she clearly had her own ideas of what she should be doing. “Alright,” I told her. “We’ll eat, then we’ll get going. But no telling what time we get back to it,” I cautioned her, as she moved to her dish and ate a few more mouthfuls.

When I gave her the find command after we’d both finished our midnight snack, Amiga arrowed forward confidently. The moonlight illuminated everything more than enough for me to find my way. In point of fact, I wasn’t sure the stress of the situation wasn’t getting to be a bit much, because it seemed almost as if the light was comparable to daylight, which wasn’t likely. I chalked it up to more strangeness from my senses, happy that at least this one was positive. I checked my grid map then double checked that I was in the correct starting position, even as I followed behind Amiga.

After about half an hour, she stopped, head cocked to the side as she sniffed the air. Calculating how much time there had been for dissipation since we started the search, I felt my heart sink. She was good, but these were hardly ideal circumstances. After a long pause, she continued forward, and I followed with a sigh of relief. But only minutes later, she stopped and whined. At first I thought she was confused. Another look showed that she was looking over the edge of the drop off that followed the left hand side of the path. In my worry that she’d lost the scent, I hadn’t considered that there were worse options. I tried to urge her to keep going, but she was as fixated as I’d ever seen her. 

None of the reasons that came to mind when I asked myself why he would go off the path were good ones. Presumably, he was intelligent: he was a grad student after all, so he would know that sticking to the path was his best chance of being found. With an effort, I forced myself to stop my train of thought, and look around more carefully. Just because I couldn’t immediately see a way down didn’t mean there wasn’t one. It probably wasn’t going to be ideal, but luckily for me, I had experience with bad terrain and how to navigate it.

Impatient, Amiga paced the rocks, but she stayed with me, as I searched for a stretch that would at least let me get low enough to look. The usual night time forest noises weren’t very loud, but the ambient background almost made me miss it. The moan was so quiet, I wasn’t certain what I’d heard. Then it came again, and my head turned so fast, I nearly gave myself whiplash. It came from further down the path a few feet or so, but close enough that Amiga was on the move before I was. She was so sure-footed on the rocky outcroppings, they could almost have been the stairs at the cabin. I spared a minute to wonder if she was part mountain goat. 

Then I could see down the path, and I had better things to think about. The cliff had a series of ledges set in it, each with an assortment of rocks, trees, and other undergrowth. Another cliff rose beside it after only about four feet of space, where it was widest. It too had ledges, but fewer of them. Near the bottom of the small canyon, wedged between the two rock walls, I could make out the form of a man. “Mr. Sandburg,” I called. “Blair.” This time slightly louder, but there was no verbal response. Judging the distances carefully, I decided I could climb down, but it would take time. Amiga had her eyes locked on the man, and whined once, as she looked at me in question. “Go on,” I told her. “Good girl, you found him.” Normally, I gave her more praise than that when she was successful. But she didn’t seem to mind. And I could give her the usual treat and rubs once we knew he was safe. “I’ll be there as soon as I can. Wake him up, girl.” It had gotten to be a habit, to talk to her that way, and I watched her as she descended, steadier on her four feet than I was on two. Within a minute or two, she was beside him. I could hear her, as she whined and barked softly, so I knew she was doing everything she could to bring him back.

Time dragged for me, as I fought my way to the bottom. I ignored the branches and weeds that caught at my clothes, barely registered when I scraped my arm on the jagged edge of an outcropping I had my hand braced on. I’d never been a victim of it before, but it seemed I had tunnel vision. All I could see was the man who was wedged between the rocks below me. I was nearly there when I heard it, a rhythmic pulsing I couldn’t identify. Rigid with surprise, I caught my breath, alert for any threat. The sound continued, but there was no sign of anything or anyone else. After a moment, realization dawned. It was a heartbeat, and it didn’t match my pulse, so it could only be his. Despite the issues with my hearing, nothing like this had ever happened before, but there wasn’t time to question it. It was a little bit fast, but strong, which reassured me a bit.

At last, I reached the bottom and wedged myself as close as I could get to the unconscious man. He was soaked, his left eye was swollen nearly shut, and I could see the beginnings of a goose egg behind his left ear. Even unconscious, he shivered, which pleased me. Trust me, you have to be more worried when they should be shivering but aren’t. I reached out and touched his face then, about to try and rouse him again. Before I could open my mouth, what felt like a current of electricity passed from him to me, or maybe it was from me to him. I couldn’t really tell. It wasn’t exactly painful, but it was unexpected, and packed enough of a punch to steal my breath for a moment. Whatever it was, it didn’t seem to affect Amiga, in her position on the other side of the prone form, but it raised the hair on the back of my neck, and jangled my nerves. In the next instant though, there was another moan and Sandburg’s eyes fluttered open slowly, as though they were weighted.

***

You have to understand something about my life. Waking up from being unconscious isn’t exactly a new thing for me. I sorta made a habit of being in dangerous places growing up. My mom wasn’t big on rules and limits. In the interests of not stifling my spiritual growth, or something like that, she pretty much let me do whatever I wanted, as long as I followed her from country to country. I think she must have been a gypsy in a past life, because there were an awful lot of different countries. Not all of them were the most stable, and most of them lacked even the most basic amenities. Worse, I stuck out like a sore thumb in all of them. Sometimes the attention that got me was good. I learned a lot that there is no way I would have picked up in a classroom. Other times, it was less auspicious. Some local would decide he didn’t like the look of me, or that I’d looked at them or their child too long, and that would be that. If I was lucky, the subsequent beating was minor. If not, well, at least I survived.

Still, for all the times I’ve woken up in pain, nothing prepared me to wake up staring at complete stranger, while a dog tried to lick my face. Even if said stranger was tall, well built, and had a voice that made me feel safe and protected, it was still a bit surreal.

“Just stay still,” the man ordered. “You took a nasty fall, and I’m not sure how badly hurt you are,” he explained. I wanted to ask him about a million questions, but when I tried to talk I only coughed, which made my ribs protest, and set off a sledgehammer in my head.

“I’m Jim,” my rescuer told me, obviously anticipating me. “I’m with the local volunteer search and rescue unit. Amiga and I were one of the teams sent out to try and find you, after your group lost track of you.” 

When she heard her name, the dog inched closer and licked my chin. “Amiga, huh? Well, thanks, girl,” I murmured, as Jim ran his hands over the parts of me he could reach, checking for injuries. Battered as I was, it occurred to me to wish his hands were all over me for a different reason. I stopped short of saying so though, which I was thankful for. Sometimes, the filter between my brain and my mouth didn’t work so well. Okay, most of the time it doesn’t work very well. And that gets embarrassing. “I wasn’t sure anyone would be able to find me, given where I landed and with the weather and all. 

“Well, it’s lucky for you the storm blew through as quick as it did,” Jim replied, “and that it’s such a bright night. But we need to figure out how to get you back to my campsite, so I can do a better job of patching you up and let people know you’re okay.”

“I’m all for that,” I agreed. “I’m so cold, I could stand in for an ice cube.”

“From what I can tell, you have a couple of cracked ribs, your head took some hard knocks. It’s likely you have a concussion, and your knee looks like you sprained it pretty bad. I don’t think anything is broken though, which is a miracle in and of itself. The rest is the effect of exposure and shock. You’ll be okay.”

There was absolutely no reason to believe him. Likely, the man said that to all the people he rescued. Still, I relaxed when I heard it, and I believed him. Carefully, I tried to move, but I didn’t get very far. “The worst of my problem isn’t whatever injuries I have.” The pause was involuntary; I was embarrassed to have to admit it. “I’m wedged in here at such a weird angle, I’m stuck. I can’t get myself upright again. I tried.”

Part of me thought Jim might laugh. It was a bit ridiculous, but he didn’t. “Not to worry, Chief. I’m sure we can get you out. I don’t know about upright, but one problem at a time,” he told me. “Can you sit up? That will give me room to get in behind you.”

I nodded before I realized it had grown steadily darker and it wasn’t likely he could see me. “Yeah, I can do that,” I agreed. 

“Hang on,” Jim cautioned, before I could move. He turned back to his backpack and pulled out a small object I couldn’t make out. There was a muted click and light spilled into our immediate area. It was a small battery powered lantern. I was so grateful for the light, it made me fight back tears. It had been a long span of hours alone in the cold, rainy darkness. I hadn’t realized how much it shook me until right then. 

When I opened my eyes, Jim had crouched down beside me and offered his arm, so I could grab to pull myself up. Once I was half upright, he moved behind me. The placement of the rocks made him helping from the front impossible, but the warmth of his body pressed up against mine felt good, and reminded me that I wasn’t stranded alone anymore, thank whatever deity was listening for that. “Okay, I’m gonna try getting you upright now. I don’t think we can do this without hurting you some. I’m sorry about that,” Jim apologized.

“Don’t worry about it.” I waved off his concern. “I’m tougher than I look.” It’s true, I am, but by the time I was upright, everything had gone grey around the edges, and there was a fresh layer of sweat on my skin. My knee was very definitely unhappy, and given my collection of scrapes and bruises, so was the rest of me. I’m very good at keeping quiet when I’m in pain so I know I didn’t make a sound, but somehow, he knew.

“Deep breaths. Just breathe. I need you to stay awake, no matter how much it hurts.” There was no mistaking that it was an order. A small part of my brain that never stopped with the questions wondered if the man who found me was a soldier when he wasn’t rescuing people. Then he walked me backwards so I could brace against the rocks and he could position himself beside me, and I had to concentrate too hard on not throwing up to wonder about anything. I listened to the blood beat in my ears for a moment, and then I heard Jim’s voice as he murmured something to his dog.

The next thing I knew, Jim was on one side of me and Amiga was on the other. While he clipped the lantern to a carabiner on his backpack, which he put back on, he explained what he wanted me to do. “The climb back up is going to be a bitch. I’ll help you, but if you’re okay with it, so will Amiga. Reach down beside you. There’s a handle on her vest. If you grip the handle, she’ll help take some of your weight and let you use her for balance.” 

“That’s so cool.” It was out before I could stop it, and I was glad the dark hid my flush of embarrassment. Now probably wasn’t the best time to be focused on all the things his dog could do, even if it was cool. Jim spoke again, this time to tell Amiga forward, which I figured was her cue to become a furry walker. I gripped the handle and tried a cautious step, grateful when the dog moved confidently forward. A moment later, Jim’s arm went around my waist, as he urged me to let him help as much as possible.

I’ve been close to people in awkward situations before. This one pretty much topped them all though. Even so, as we struggled back up the incline, I was hyper aware of Jim’s body against mine. It took almost all of my concentration to stay upright and keep putting one foot in front of the other. The small part of my mind that wasn’t occupied with that, had noted how warm he was, how good he smelled, and how well our bodies seemed to fit together, despite my current battered state. I know some of my friends say I’ll try and pick up a date under absolutely any circumstances, but this was a stretch even for me. 

Luck was with me though, and he didn’t seem to notice. Then again, given that I had about as much coordination as a drunken monkey at this point, it was probably a good thing one of us could focus on the job at hand. I lifted my foot to step where he indicated, but I must not have lifted quite high enough. I stumbled, and felt Jim tighten his grip, but I lurched anyway. The extra weight on my knee lancedfire down my leg. Before I could call out, Amiga shifted her position and counterbalanced me with her solid weight against my leg and hip. By the feel alone, it didn’t seem like even an earthquake would budge her, but I felt bad that she had to take so much of my weight.

“Brace, Amiga,” Jim commanded, before he looked over at me. 

“It’s okay. She’s a lot stronger than she looks,” he assured me. “And she won’t move again until you do. You’re doing fine, but we have to keep going. I’ve got a dry set of clothes that should fit you back my campsite. We need to get you warm and dry.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice,” I agreed wholeheartedly. “I hate the cold and this is definitely not how I planned to spend my evening.”

That surprised a laugh out of Jim, and I decided I liked the sound, though he seemed out of practice. “Well, I hadn’t really planned to be out here either,” he agreed.

It hit me then that he had likely been dragged out of a perfectly good, warm bed to retrieve my clumsy ass. “I’m sorry, man,” I apologized.

Though he didn’t slow our ascent at all, I knew the instant Jim focused back in on me. I could feel his gaze on my skin. It wasn’t unpleasant, but it wasn’t entirely comfortable either. “You don’t have to apologize to me, Chief. It’s not like you planned this.” There was no talk for the next few minutes, andJim and his dog both shifted positions to keep me upright and on the move. With an effort, I hung on to my dignity and managed not to beg to stop and rest. We had to keep going. I knew that, even if my body disagreed. 

When my companion spoke again, it was with more reassurance. “The climb back to the path is the worst of it. We aren’t too far from the camp, once we make it back up,” Jim explained, as he paused just long enough for me to catch my breath. Don’t ask me how he knew so precisely when I needed a brief break. I was just glad he did. When we got to the top, I almost didn’t believe it. Jim let me go just long enough to step in front of me to help me back onto the path. Amiga stayed beside me, apparently content with my death grip on the handle on her vest. Once I stopped, I found myself grateful for her warmth against me. It took another minute for Jim’s voice to penetrate the fog that seemed to have obscured my mind.

“I knew you could do it,” he told me. “Just a little bit more, and we’ll get you fixed up. I promise.”Thankfully, he didn’t seem to expect me to answer. As gently as he could, he hooked his arm around my waist again, and gave Amiga the command to get us all underway again. Now that the terrain wasn’t as treacherous, and I wasn’t so concerned with another fall, I could barely keep my eyes open. Even the pain from my various wounds started to seem distant and disconnected. That wasn’t so bad though, so I let myself float, just a little. Somehow, I knew Jim wouldn’t let anything happen to me, so it was okay.

“Hey. None of that now. You need to stay awake, you hear me, Mr. Sandburg?”Jim’s voice was insistent, and loud enough to snap me most of the way back to myself. He sounded almost impatient, but I figured that was probably worry.

“Blair,” I enunciated carefully. “People who risk life and limb, not to mention Mother Nature’s wrath, to save me from dying from exposure get to call me by my first name. It’s a little tradition of mine.” I sounded a little drunk, but it didn’t matter. It got the point across.

For a moment, the only sign of reaction from him was a tightened grip, but then Jim spoke. “Make a habit of needing rescue, do you?” He didn’t sound pleased by the idea, but I could hardly blame him.

“Not on purpose,” I defended myself. “I’ve just had what you could call a dangerous life.” My unconventional upbringing was not something I just brought up with strangers, no matter how good looking they were, or what they saved me from. And yet, I struggled for a moment with a strong urge to blurt it out. My natural caution reasserted itself in time to prevent it though. 

****

When I finally got us all back to my campsite, it was all I could do not to sigh in relief. But I didn’t want Blair to know how worried I was, so I held it back, and helped him over to the tent. With Amiga and Blair in it, there wouldn’t be a lot of room for me. It didn’t really matter to me though, as long as I got him warmed up and comfortable. I dug out the sweats I’d packed in case we found him with one hand, while I continued to hold him up with the other. Amiga watched us both with interest, pleased with her success, despite the cold and dark. “Okay, Chief,” I encouraged him, “we need to get you into dry clothes. I need to make sure I didn’t miss any major injuries, so we can kill two birds with one stone.”

It took longer than I would have liked, but eventuallyBlair nodded and moved toward the tent door. Amiga paced beside him until she couldn’t fit, then waited by the door, while I got him settled in. After I took out the first aid kit, and a few other essentials, I positioned the backpack to be a makeshift pillow. After a moment to think about it, I unzipped the sleeping bag. He wasn’t in any shape to shimmy into it. In fact, by the time he was safe on the blanket, I was worried all over again. His body still shook with tremors, I could see sweat running down his face, despite his already drowned rat look, and his skin was headed toward an unhealthy shade of grey.

Before I could do anything else though, I needed to call in. I’d broken enough rules tonight, but this one was too important. Mindful of the close quarters we were in, I bent down and tossed the dry sweats beside him, then gave Amiga the command she waited for to enter the tent. After that, it only took a few minutes to raise the ranger station on the radio. I reported that Sandburg had been found with no major injuries, but asked how soon we could get some help out here to get him back to civilization so that he could get better medical attention. I didn’t see any signs of anything dangerous, but I also hadn’t gone to medical school. There was no point in stupid chances. With an effort, I ignored how much the thought of Blair in a hospital bed bothered me. He was here. Granted, he was uncomfortable and in pain, but relatively speaking, he was okay. Now, all I had to do was keep him that way. 

It seemed straightforward. But that was before the ranger informed me that the storm had washed out the only two access points for the roads that led into the area where we were camped. Help couldn’t get to us until the repair crews made things passable again. Best case scenario was six hours, to get things to the point that an off road vehicle could get through. Worst case scenario was another day, or longer. I wanted to curse, but there was no point. Besides, the important thing was that I’d found the guy. Surely I could keep him stable until help could reach us. It’s not like I lacked survival skills. All this went through my head fast enough that the ranger was still talking. I waited until he finished, then acknowledged the bad news.Since the battery in my radio had to last longer now, I asked the man on the other end to let my team know where I was, and what had happened. With a little luck, I wouldn’t have to explain my actions until I’d thought of a decent cover. Then again, Simon wasn’t in the habit of questioning our successes too closely.

I’d politely turned my back to make the radio call. The way I figured, I may have saved the guy, but he had just met me. There wasn’t a lot of privacy to be had, but the least I could do was try. The discouraging news made me wish I’d left the tent and walked away a bit, but he wasn’t in any shape to be left alone. Not that I wanted him worried. Time to downplay, I decided, as I squared my shoulders and turned to face him. One look, and I didn’t care so much about how long rescue was going to take. Sandburg – Blair — was still in his wet clothes and he was evenpaler than when I’d helped him lay down. Christ, what I thinking? Of course he couldn’t get changed on his own. It was clear from the lines of pain on his face that when he tried, he aggravated his injuries.

“I’m sorry.” It was my turn to apologize to him. The thought that I had caused him any pain made my chest go tight. “I should have realized you’d need a hand.” It bothered me that I I’d been so focussed on procedures, I’d missed something so obvious.

“It’s okay,” Blair answered, with a weak attempt to wave me off. “It was important. I just wish the news had been better.”

Without thought, I put my hand on his arm to still the motion. “Lie still,” I told him. “You need to save your energy.” I paused, uncertain how he would take what came next, but figured it was best to be matter of fact about it. “Look, I need to get you dry and then warm you up. I was thinking you should change and then we could get you under the blankets with me, but really, it would be best if we were skin to skin. You’re at very real risk of hypothermia.”

I opened my mouth to forestall his objections, but there were none. Instead, Blair looked at me for a long moment, his eyes gazing into mine. Then he smiled, and shrugged a little. “I trust you, man. You’re the boss.Besides, I can imagine what I look like right now. I doubt you plan to take advantage of me.” His wryly self deprecating tone made things easier, but I had to order my mind not to think about just how much I would enjoy doing just that, under better circumstances, of course. This was so not the time. As gently as I could, I stripped him out of his soaked shirts first. Despite the awkward angle, they were the easiest to get off. He was able to roll onto each side so I could get his pants down and pull the legs off. We avoided looking at each other, but I took a quiet breath and reached for the waistband of his boxers.

It was harder than I expected to keep my thoughts professional. Even in the meagre lantern light, and in terrible circumstances, it was clear that my tent mate had a solidly muscular body. He was hairier than I expected, but that made sense given the sheer volume of shoulder length curls I could see now that they weren’t plastered to his scalp. He’d dried out some, thankfully and the blankets helped it along. I ordered my libido to ignore the fact I found his body so tempting, and his lips all but begged to be kissed. I hadn’t been interested in anyone in months. It seemed easier to channel the energy from that facet of my life into training with Amiga. Most of the time it worked well, and I told myself I would find a person to be interested in when I had myself under better control. Apparently, my body had other ideas, not to mention timing that was beyond inappropriate. 

I thanked my lucky stars for the fact that I’d perfected my impassive expression years ago. “I know it’s weird,” I told him as I slid the boxers off. “But you’ll feel better warm. I promise.” To make it easier, I maintained eye contact with him as I finished. Once he was covered by the blanket, I crouched to shuck off my clothes, but left my underwear on as a concession to modesty. They didn’t cover enough to make a huge difference, since they were still dry.Once my clothes were folded I set them in the utility pocket of the tent, and dug out the emergency blanket to tuck around the sleeping bag once I was in. Whether or not they made any real difference was debatable, but at this point, we needed every advantage we could get.

Then there was nothing left to do but crawl in beside him. I braced for the awkward silence. You know, the kind where you both concentrate so hard on ignoring something that you can’t make conversation. But that didn’t happen. Instead, I arranged myself as close to comfortable as I could get. Then, mindful of his injuries, I arranged Blair so that he reclined half against me, half on me. Ideally, as much of his skin needed to touch me as possible, but we could work up to it. And he didn’t seem to mind the position. Once we were both settled, he breathed easier, and his heart rate levelled out.

“So much better, you have no idea,” Blair told me, in that quiet voice people use when they’re at close quarters in the dark. 

The contentment in his voice made me smile. “Glad to hear it,” I replied. “Just relax, as best you can. You can sleep if you want. I’ll wake you to check on you, because of the knocks to the head you took, but you might as well rest if you can.” Reaching up, I clicked the lantern I’d hung from a center tie off, and did my best to ignore the insistent metal voice that wished we were wrapped around each other for vastly different reasons.

***

Normally, I make it a habit not to object to being naked with a really hot guy. Of course, usually when that happens, my body doesn’t feel like someone just ran it over a few times, to say nothing of being so recently soaked and half frozen. I’ve been close to all kinds of people, under platonic and not so platonic circumstances, but I’ve never been so hyperaware of a bed partner before. So close to him, it was obvious Jim was in good shape. More than that, he smelled good, which distracted me more than I wanted to admit. The strangest part was that this was one scenario I gave myself permission to freak out about, at least internally, but though part of me felt like I should, I was far too comfortable, even safe to actually want to have a meltdown. 

Reasonably comfortable, well enough that I could tune out most of pain, what I felt most intensely was disappointment. Here I was, naked with a prime specimen of a man, and I was in no shape to take advantage of it. It wasn’t until I tried to swallow my disappointment that it hit me. Everything I was feeling was my own, as far as I could tell, and none of it overwhelmed me at all. For the first time in longer than I could remember, I relaxed. After months of constant mental strain, it seemed like luxury to only have physical aches to contend with. This night had been one of the shittiest I could remember, but it was definitely looking up. I had no idea why, but at that moment, I didn’t care. I was physically exhausted. But, I didn’t want to sleep. I’d been coping with emotional chatter for so long, a constant stream of input that forced me to fight just to keep hold of myself and my feelings. Feeling the weight of that lift from me was wonderful, and more than worth revelling in.

I nodded when Jim told me to sleep and reminded myself to be quiet. Just because I had reason to be awake, didn’t make it fair to keep him from what rest he could get. He’d worked hard on my account and deserved a chance to recharge his batteries. I’ve always liked the dark, I never thought there were monsters in it, or anything like that. Just then, I wished for a little bit of light, so I could look at my tent mate while he slept. I must have tilted my head, or shifted a bit, and I could feel Jim’s gaze settle on me, even in the darkness. “Everything okay?”

“I’m fine, considering.” I didn’t add that the pain lessened as soon as we were skin to skin. That seemed strange, and for all I knew was a well timed coincidence. Part of me doubted it, but that wasn’t the point. “I don’t recommend falling off cliffs, but all in all, this isn’t bad, as far as outcomes go. I mean, I wish I felt up to hiking out of here. It would be so much easier. Everything hurt, I had trouble breathing. Not my idea of a good time. For a while there I thought no one would find me.” The memory of it made me shiver with remembered fear.

Before I could get too worked up, Jim’s arms tightened around me. “I wouldn’t have let that happen.” Slightly lower than normal, the intensity in his voice should have been strange. We’d only known each other for hours, even if they’d been more exciting than most. I couldn’t help but smile though, because he was only echoing what I’d known as soon as I set eyes on him. It made no sense, I had nothing to base it on except my own impressions of the man. That didn’t matter. I knew if we were together, he would never willingly let harm come to me. The realization awoke my curiosity, and I couldn’t help but wonder if he felt it to: a depth of feeling that said we’d known each other so much longer than a few hours. For me at least, there was more to it than simply being too tired or too comfortable to freak out. No one had ever made me feel safe before today, not even my mom.

I’m not one to kiss and tell, but I’ve enjoyed the company of plenty of ladies, and even a few men. I’ve never made a secret of the fact that I enjoy the many and varied pleasures to be found in the bedroom. I always kept things light, more friends with benefits than anything else. Heck, even out of the bedroom, I am definitely a people person. I like to get to know them, hear about their lives, understand what makes them tick. As much as I like them, I don’t generally get attached to them. I moved so much with Mom, and later because of my work that it just made more sense to keep most people at arm’s length. 

I mastered the art of getting know someone well, but not too well, before I was even out of my teens. The trick was to listen without asking for a lot of personal details. Once you get someone going about themselves, it’s pretty easy to deflect any of their questions. It also helps that I’ve gotten goodbye down to an art form. Now, in the dark, in the middle of nowhere, I found myself wanting to know everything there was to know about my rescuer. Even scarier, I wanted him to know the same things about me.

“You know for a guy who’s supposed to be sleeping, you’re thinking awfully loud over there,” Jim remarked quietly. “Anything you want to share with the rest of the class?”

Habit almost made me brush of the question. At the last second, I changed my mind and went with the truth. “I know it sounds like some kind of cheesy line, but I feel like we’ve met before. You know, like when you’ve known someone forever and you don’t see them for a while but when you do get together, it’s easy and comfortable.” 

“I’m sure I would remember meeting you,” Jim replied. There was a pause, while he shifted slightly to find a more comfortable position. “But I know what you mean.” 

His agreement made me smile. He didn’t sound totally comfortable with the admission, but since it wasn’t one sided, hopefully, there would be time later to unravel what it meant, and where it was coming from. “It’s okay. Just think of it as a time saver,” I told him. “We skipped over the awkward get to know you part of our friendship and got right to the good stuff.” The more time passed the more certain I was that I wanted more than friendship from him, but one step at a time.

“I guess we did,” Jim laughed. “I’m all for efficiency. But I don’t know if you want to be friends with me. I’ve been told I live by impossible standards for pretty much everything.”

“That’s alright,” I told him. “I can be pretty impossible myself. We’ll match. At least we won’t bore each other.”

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you, then,” Jim replied. I could feel his amusement, and in that moment, flashes of other things too, happiness, comfort, but also confusion and fatigue. I did my best to block it out though. It didn’t feel right to invade his privacy, even by accident.

In spite of my determination to remain awake, I must have dozed off before I answered. I woke in the lightening gloom of predawn, still draped over Jim in a very compromising position. Unfortunately, I wasn’t in any shape to appreciate it for long. All the aches and pains I’d been able to ignore the day before clamored for my attention. The good news was that meant I didn’t have to worry about blocking any stray impressions from Jim out. The pain did a decent job of shunting everything else to the background. The bad news was that I couldn’t hold back a moan, which woke Jim and Amiga. It took a few minutes, but he managed to extricate himself and let the dog out. Once I was safely covered by blankets again he crawled out too. I heard him walk away, and then the distant sound of him speaking. 

“We finally had some good luck,” Jim exclaimed happily when he wedged himself back in. The off road vehicle will be here within an hour, and they can meet us right near here, so you won’t have to walk far.” 

Easy for him to say. It took far more effort to get me dressed and out of the tent than I would have liked. I’m not sure I would have been able to make it to the fallen log I used as a perch while Jim broke camp on my own. Luckily, Amiga didn’t seem to mind helping me along. She settled beside me, her eyes tracking Jim’s progress and then back to me at regular intervals. I tried to stand up once, but she laid her head on my lap to discourage that before I even shifted my weight. Her watchful gaze and body language quite clearly told me she was in charge. After everything she’d done for me lately, that seemed only fair.

***

As happy as I was when the log cabins of the resort came into view, I was also disappointed that our time together had nearly ended. Jim explained that resort had offered the search and rescue and ranger personnel the space because their location was closer to the start of the search area. It embarrassed me that I had caused so much trouble, but friendly faces were still a welcome sight. And being back around extra people didn’t seem to put me on the emotional rollercoaster. It helped that I had Jim as a buffer. He shepherded me through the crowd of well wishers, and I could feel his concern for me, and his relief at a positive outcome, but the press of people somehow didn’t add any emotional layers to the mix.

Meanwhile, Jim was clearly determined to get me tucked away in a room, and seen by a doctor. He even tried to get me to go to the hospital, but I put my foot down, metaphorically speaking. Mom ingrained her dislike of Western medicine too deep in me for that to seem like a good idea. We compromised when Jim learned there was a doctor on the resort staff. I considered an objection when he told me his plan, but I liked how it felt to have him take care of me. I was all for pretty much anything that meant we spent more time together. 

Despite the fact that I barely knew him, I didn’t want to let him go. I’d taken enough psych courses to know the fact he saved me was part of it, but there was more to it. Not only did I want to know what made him tick, I wanted him to know everything about me, while I was at it. My cynical side insisted on reminding me that just because we’d talked about being friends didn’t mean he planned on following through. With an effort, I told it to shut up, and focused on putting one foot in front of the other.

I followed obediently to the rooms Jim explained had been set aside for our use, when he radioed in that I’d been found. The building was nice in a rustic way, rough hewn lumber with a warm golden finish. To keep up the theme, the room was furnished simply, but still managed to be luxurious. The bed was big enough for a family of five and I recognized high quality linens when I saw them. I worked as a bell boy for a summer once in a five star hotel. 

The fireplace had a marble mantelpiece and I could see a slice of a Jacuzzi tub through the bathroom door. I still had on Jim’s ill-fitting sweats. There were bits and pieces of underbrush in my hair, and I was in dire need of a bath. I let Jim help me to a chair near the door in the far wall. I squirmed around to find a comfortable position and tried not to worry about the cost of the room. At the moment, there were bigger things to worry about.

“I need to grab a shower, Chief,” Jim told me, and my stomach sank. The end had come even sooner than I expected. It made sense, he’d done his job, after all. I was safe and sound. The last twenty four hours faded; the field expedition and my Rainier responsibilities, until they were distant, almost unimportant. I would go back to them soon enough. I knew it, but I still had to resist the urge to cling to him while I begged him not to leave me alone. Instead I nodded, not quite ready to trust my voice.

“I’m right next door,” Jim continued, “so if you need anything while I get cleaned up, just knock on the door and holler. Otherwise, I’ll be back in fifteen or twenty, all right?” Abruptly light-headed and dizzy, I nodded again. It was only a reprieve, I knew, but at that moment, I would take what I could get. Once Jim had closed the door behind him, I dropped my head into my hands. Injured or not, I needed to calm down.

***

By my internal clock, I stepped back through the door in fourteen minutes. The thought of Blair left on his own again didn’t sit well with me. I also really wanted to be there when the doctor checked him out, so I could be sure he was okay. Granted, I wouldn’t see the exam, but I could get the reassurance I was going to need if I had any hope of being able to let him go. Lucky for me, I didn’t have any important commitments for the next while, unless there was another call out. Until now, they had been highlights for me. Now I couldn’t help but hope no one else managed to get lost in the near future. I wanted the chance to see him again. I didn’t have a clue how I was going to make that happen, but I’d never let challenges bother me before, so why start now?

I was so involved in my internal debate that it took me a minute to realize that my former tent mate was deeply asleep. Wedged up against the side of the recliner in a position that looked downright painful, his mouth was open and he was snoring softly. Part of me wanted to let him sleep, but the doctor would be here soon and the last thing he needed was a pulled muscle in his neck. “Wake up, Sleeping Beauty,” I told him.

He stirred, and ran one hand along the hair that had slid into his face, but didn’t open his eyes. I knelt down so I wouldn’t loom over him, and spoke again. “Time to wake up, Sandburg.” We weren’t in our little intimate canvas cocoon, and I was already too attached so I didn’t use his first name. I watched his eyelids flutter, and couldn’t help but lay my hand on his arm in a gentle grip. His muscles were still lax with sleep, but even so, as soon as my hand connected, my mind oh so helpfully replayed all the mental pictures I had of his naked form. 

I swear, I only intended to lean forward and shake him a little. Somehow, I managed to brush my lips against his forehead. I swear my body had a mind of its own. But, I figured I could get away with it, since he was still asleep, at least for the most part. But of course, it was when my lips were still against his skin that he opened his eyes. I told myself to move back, but I didn’t. He looked up at me and smiled, his eyes lit from within with a happy gleam. I couldn’t help but smile back, though mine was hesitant. I mean, I’d never done anything like this in my life. When it came to relationships, I was the king of the safe options. If it had been left up to me, it was possible we would have just stared at each other for a long stretch of moments, but Blair had other ideas. I consider myself a good kisser. I’ve certainly practiced my technique enough. But he brought a simple kiss to a whole other level, threw himself into it with enough enthusiasm for him, me, and a few others to spare. Caught up in the energy of it, a tiny part of my mind was able to wonder if Blair was that good, or if it felt that good because it was him. Then his tongue was in my mouth and all I cared about was more. Now.

When we finally broke apart long moments later, I’m not sure which of us was more surprised. “I don’t know whether to apologize to you, or thank you,” I admitted, as I leaned my forehead against his and tried to catch my breath.

“Believe me, you don’t owe me any apologies for that,” Blair assured me. He soundedso pleased, I had to smile. “Besides,” he continued, hesitant now, “I’ve wanted to do that since we were in the tent, hell, since I met you.” He sat back in the chair, his eyes downcast, and I couldn’t tell if he was worried about my reaction, or his own.

Either way, it didn’t really matter. “Hey,” I told him, as gently as I could manage. “I started this, remember? Trust me, I don’t do anything I don’t want to. I didn’t plan for this to happen, but I’m not sorry it did.”

“I just didn’t want you to think I make a habit of this. I know I look like the free love type, and yeah, I date a lot, but still. And then it occurred to me that you might think I only wanted to kiss you because you saved me.” 

His statement stopped me. “Did you?” The question made me go cold all over. I hadn’t thought of it, but I knew I didn’t want him out of gratitude. 

“No.” The single word echoed louder than I expected in the room. Blair looked up and looked into my eyes, like he wanted to will me to believe him. “No,” he repeated. “I mean, I’m glad you did, of course. But, I’ve never felt this drawn to anybody. And I don’t think it’s because you found me. It’s because it’s you.” He stopped and I gave him the silence to try and find his words, but he only shook his head. “I’m sorry. I’m not explaining so well. Apparently falls off cliffs are hard on my vocabulary.”

I believed him, not only because he sounded sincere, but because I knew exactly what he was talking about. It was like the jolt I’d felt out on the mountain when I touched him had sparked an awareness that pulled me to him. My mind skittered away when I almost called it a need. Rather than think about that, I leaned forward and kissed him again, lighter this time, more for comfort than seduction. He was upset, and off balance, not to mention injured. However much we wanted to make out like a pair of teenagers, this wasn’t the time. Besides, I could hear footsteps in the hall, which probably meant the doctor was nearly here. “It’s okay. I get it. I’m not sure I understand it, but I get it,” I told him when I pulled away a moment or two later.

***

Jim excused himself to his room to check on Amiga after the doctor arrived. I watched him go, and ignored the pang I felt when the door closed.For a doctor, the man who came in was younger than I expected. He introduced himself as Dr. Cortez, with only the slightest trace of an accent. After that brief acknowledgment of pleasantries, he helped me over to the bed and conducted a thorough, but thankfully quick, exam. While he did what he needed to do, I concentrated on the old fashioned medical bag he’d brought with him and set beside the bed. It was beautifully made, and I tried to identify the stitch pattern, as he poked and prodded all the various tender places on my recently abused frame. He noted when I winced, but didn’t seem overly concerned. When he was done, he folded his stethoscope back into his bag and motioned that I should stay in the bed.

“You are a very lucky man, Mr. Sandburg. I believe you are correct in your assertion that you do not need a hospital. You injuries, while painful and awkward,” he indicated my knee, “do not show any signs of life threatening complications. I will second your request to keep out of the hospital,” he continued. “But I will do so only if you agree to certain conditions.”

I nodded, careful not to jar my head too much. At this point, I’d agree to nearly anything, if it meant I didn’t have to be around a bunch of sick people. Sure, I hadn’t been overwhelmed by the people at the resort yet, but that could be because rescue personnel and staff were pleased at the good outcome. Put me around a bunch of unhappy people who suffered from any number of problems, and I would be back on the emotional rollercoaster in no time, I just knew it.

With slight smile, for my quick agreement, no doubt, the doctor ticked off his points. “You must promise me that you will take the time to rest and recuperate. I was told you were on your way to an anthropological field expedition. You cannot go and tromp around a wilderness in your condition, not unless you take a few days in hospital to be sure you won’t further damage yourself.”

For a moment, disappointment warred with practicality, but he was right and I had expected as much anyway. “All right,” I agreed.

“Good, you are a sensible man, I like that in my patients,” Dr. Cortez told me. “I must also insist you promise to go to an emergency room if you begin to feel much worse than you do now, or if you experience any of the list of symptoms I will leave you. And you must also have a follow up appointment with a physician in Cascade. So many people have a vested interest in your safety now, not only the gentleman who was with you when I came in. It would be a shame if something happened to you after all of this, simply due to an oversight. 

“I can do that.” I accepted the conditions. After he made sure I was warm enough in the bed, since I hadn’t bothered to get dressed when he was done with me, the doctor wrote out a list of warning signs to watch for, and another sheet he told me were general aftercare instructions. After he took about half a dozen painkillers from his bag and wrote me a prescription for more, if I needed them later, I thanked him for his time, and tried to ask about payment, but he wouldn’t hear of it. After he gave me his best wishes for a speedy recovery, he grabbed his bag and was out the door so fast, I wondered what, or who, I had pulled him away from.

The door to the room had barely closed when the connecting door opened and Jim stepped back through it. I smiled at him, and waited until he perched on the edge of the bed. “I don’t have to go to the hospital,” I told him. 

“That’s great,” Jim told me. “I hate those places myself.” We shared a look of mutual agreement, and then I caught him up on the doctor’s report he’d missed. When I was finished, he was obviously pleased, but when he tried to ask me a question, I yawned in his face. 

“I’m sorry,” I apologized, or tried to, since another yawn interrupted me. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Jim waved my apology off, as he adjusted my blankets. “You’ve had a rough time, and I should let you get some sleep.” He stood to leave, and had moved to the door before I found my voice.

“Wait. I know I’m not in need of body heat anymore, and I’m not sure how you feel about sharing blankets with someone in an actual bed, but I don’t think I’m ready to be alone yet. Could you stay with me? I mean, I know you’ve gotta be tired too, but this bed is ginormous. There’s plenty of room.” I could hear the plea in my voice, but I couldn’t stop it. It was true, I didn’t want to be alone. I also wasn’t quite ready to let him out of my sight yet. 

Jim paused, but didn’t turn to face me and I thought maybe he would find a way to let me down easy and make his escape. When he opened the connecting door, I thought my fears were confirmed. Instead of leaving, he called out to Amiga, who padded into my room and walked over to the bed to nose at my side. Her warm brown eyes looked up at me for a moment, and then she licked my hand once and settled on the floor at the foot of the bed. 

“See, even Amiga knows we should be resting,” I exclaimed, happy to see that my new furry friend seemed none the worse for wear for her trek. Tired as I was, I made a mental note. I owed her a steak or a bone or something.

Once she settled on the floor, Amiga looked at Jim and then at the bed, and I had to laugh. Apparently, she was more than capable of making her wishes known. He paused to toe off his shoes and addressed his partner before he came back to the bed. “All right, all right. I’m going. There’s no need for you to be bossy.” Her only response was to lay her head down on her front paws and close her eyes.

“I guess she told you,” I couldn’t help but comment. 

“Nothing new about that,” Jim told me, as he turned off the light and pulled the drapes. A quick detour to the bathroom and he came back with a glass of water he explained was to take pain killers if I needed them. I declined the pills and had to swallow my disappointment instead, when he climbed into the bed still wearing his jeans and a T-shirt. He had no reason to take off his clothes. I knew that. Once the blankets were arranged to his satisfaction, he turned to me.

“Comfortable?” He was so close I could feel his faintly coffee scented breath against my neck. There was enough light still spilling in through the curtains that I could see him in the dimness. I shook my head no before I even thought about it. He didn’t ask me how he could help. There was a pause, just long enough to make my heart pound and then he gathered me against him, and shifted us both until I was more on him than the mattress. 

“Better?” he asked. My contented sigh was all the answer he seemed to want. “You know, sleeping with you seems to be turning into a habit,” Jim observed, though he didn’t sound like he minded. 

I listened to the sound of his breath, and heard soft snores come from Amiga’s direction. “I can live with that,” I told him. 

***

I knew before I opened my eyes that I was alone in the bed. I’d gone to sleep contented, blanketed in the safety of Jim’s presence. The buzz of connection between us was there, but in a background sort of way. I might not have been able to define it, but the absence of it was enough to jar me from sleep whether I liked it or not. 

 

The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was a folded piece of the resort stationary with my name on it. That calmed the nerves that jangled when I realized I was alone, but I didn’t open it right away. Now seemed like a good time to give myself a few reminders _. ‘You can measure the total time you’ve known him in hours. Don’t talk yourself into some kind of overdone attachment.’_ It all sounded perfectly reasonable. But my hands still shook when I unfolded the note.

_Blair,_

_We got another callout while you were playing Sleeping Beauty. We normally wouldn’t go out again so soon, but the missing person is a four year old girl, so it’s an all hands on deck situation. Believe me, I’d much rather be resting beside you, but duty calls. Take care of that leg. I’ll call as soon as I’m back._

_Jim_

I wondered how he could call for a minute or two. Then I remembered everything that went with the whole rescue thing, and the procedures Jim had explained to me, while he kept me awake on our way back to civilization. There would have been an info sheet distributed with all of my basic details, and I suppose that included contact information. Besides, unlike Naomi, I hadn’t seen the point to living off the grid in years. It’s more effort than it’s worth. It wasn’t like some covert agency was out to get me, but if they were, I don’t think anything I could do would keep them from me. Besides, I wanted Jim to find me, so the whole situation worked out for the best. Well, except for him gone.

My body protested when I shifted in the bed, but I did my best to ignore the pain along with my disappointment. People have to work, that’s the way life is. It’s not like this was the first time I’d been let down by someone I cared about. I’m pretty sure it was the first time someone let me down before I even had the chance to tell them how I felt, but what the hell. There was a first time for everything. 

Flat on my back in a bed that still smelled faintly of whatever herbal soap Jim used wasn’t about to help me miss him less. I threw back the covers to get out of bed. That’s when I noticed another smaller note, propped against a glass of water with two pills next to it on the bedside table. I opened the note, and couldn’t help but smile. 

_Don’t argue, tough guy, especially since I’m not there to help you._

_J_

I shook my head and swallowed the pills, even as I chuckled. But since I took them, I guess Jim could count that as a win. 

***

I have no explanation except temporary insanity, but I actually considered calling Naomi for a ride. Whoever said you can count on your mom for anything, at any time, had clearly never met mine. I took the sanity saver route and called Melody, a friend and fellow teaching assistant, albeit in a different department. She gets mistaken for a dumb blonde all the time. We’ve been fast friends since the day we had a lively debate on gender roles when we were supposed to oversee a tutorial section that the professor couldn’t make it to. As she tells it, she has no problem with being underestimated, it’s just a nice change to be considered an equal. She didn’t even pause when I asked her to meet me at the cross roads Simon agreed to drive me out to. Oh, she was concerned, I could hear it in her voice, but she didn’t waste time asking questions. Once she had directions where to meet us, she hung up.

Simon, who had little to say, but still seemed pleased with my company, dropped me off at the rest area where she waited. “Stay out of trouble, Sandburg. I don’t want to have to help find you again, you hear?”

“Not a problem,” I assured him. “I’m all for new experiences, but this was definitely a once in a lifetime thing for me.” It was truer than he knew, in more ways than one, but I left that out. I’m not sure he would approve of my rapidly growing obsession with Jim, given how closely they worked together. We exchanged goodbyes, as he helped me into Melody’s car.

We got home in better time than I expected. As usual, Melody expressed her displeasure with my choice of residence, but I shrugged off her concerns. The cavernous warehouse didn’t look like much, but it had the storage space I needed. The landlord wasn’t the most upstanding citizen, but he didn’t care if I roughed in walls, as long as he didn’t have to pay for it. I traded a few days labour from a contractor whose son passed English lit thanks to some tutoring from yours truly. Voila, I still had a big living room, but my bedroom and the bathroom became actual rooms, and the kitchen was separate from a smaller dining area. I couldn’t do much about the lack of light or the drafts, but an eclectic collection of floor lamps and some thick wall tapestries made sure you barely noticed.

I was home for another full day before I was in any shape to wonder why I hadn’t heard from Jim. When the next day didn’t bring a call, I tried not to let it get to me. For all I knew, the search had taken longer than he expected, or perhaps it took longer to recover when you had one search right on top of another that way. When the evening news ran footage of the rescue of little Sara Mae home safe in the arms of her effusively grateful parents, I couldn’t help but search the crowd shots for any signs of Jim’s face. 

Oh, I tried to tell myself that there was no reason to get so tangled up. This time, when I gave myself a pep talk, it was a little different. “What the hell did you expect? I demanded, as I stood in front of my bathroom sink, and brushed my hair a bit too vigorously. “It’s not as if a twenty something academic has a hell of a lot to offer a man like him,” I muttered to myself. As I shuffled from the bathroom to the bedroom, I shook my head. Great, the man wasn’t even here and now he had me talking to myself. One kiss, no matter how amazing, and sleeping together, while actually sleeping, no less, was not a basis for a long term relationship. Now that we were apart, it seemed more likely that the connection between us was the work of my overactive imagination. I was no relationship expert, I usually extricated myself before we got to the relationship phase, but even I knew that if someone doesn’t call, they aren’t interested. 

There was only one problem with the realization. The man may have conveniently forgotten how to use a phone, but that didn’t change the fact that I missed him. He crept into my thoughts at the most random times, no matter how hard I tried to keep him out. The vague sensation of something missing pressed on me all the time, despite my attempts to distract myself. Even my subconscious betrayed me, dropping me into dreams over everyday moments with Jim that invariably led to scenes where we lost our clothes and did much more than sleep. As I settled in at home, there were small gains. My bruises started to fade, though they turned a sickly yellow and green. The scratches scabbed over, and I could almost take a deep breath. I felt almost human, but I was also back on the emotional rollercoaster. Slightly less intense, and not as overwhelming, yes, but waves of emotion still battered at me no matter where I went. Whatever the reason for the break while I was with Jim, I should have enjoyed it more while I had it.

Despite my dislike of all things medical, I scheduled my follow up at the community medical clinic. When Margie, Eli’s stalwart assistant, called to check how long I would be off, I deflected her motherly concern with my signature casual charm. We made the usual small talk, and I remembered to ask about her newest grandson. The return to routine should have been a comfort, but I was restless and edgy, and living proof of the fact that telling yourself not to care about someone doesn’t change your feelings no matter how much you want it to. Once all the chores I assigned myself were ticked off, I let myself brood. That’s when it hit me. In the excitement of the rescue, I’d never actually said thank you to Jim, just Amiga. Dogs don’t have much use for gratitude, but I wanted to know what was going on, and that was as good a reason as any to find out. I could go say it in person, just as soon as I made a few important stops.

***

There was nothing I could compare the effects of a full blown sensory spike to. I usually got migraines, which are unpleasant enough on their own. There’s the pounding headache, sensitivity to light and noise and stomach churning nausea. Most people can go hide in a dark, quiet room. I don’t have that luxury, because even when my room is dark, the ambient light from the window is enough to stab into my eyes. I turn off anything that could make noise, but I can’t turn off the world, and there’s enough noise from my surroundings to make me pray for temporary deafness. 

Amiga knew before I did, as always. She stayed closer to me, and got quieter, and she watched every move I made. It’s kind of like being under a canine microscope. Sometimes, if she stayed plastered to my side and I stayed away from as much of the stimuli as I could, it didn’t last for as long. Other times, like today, I’m not as lucky. Things always got worse when I’m tired or stressed. One search on top of another was a recipe for both. The brief time I spent with Blair made me forget to hold on to what control I normally have. Everything calmed down so much, I felt closer to normal than I had in a long time. I didn’t mean to let anything slip, only to relax. I guess I forgot how to do one without the other. 

Come morning of the second day of the current flare up, I tried to eat. Boy, was that a mistake. I made sure the eggs were bland, but I added salt because normally, that isn’t a problem. But the bare sprinkle I added might have well have been a bucketful. I spit them out, but it was too late. I gagged, and barely made it to the sink before the few mouthfuls I managed made a return appearance. When there was nothing left, the nausea didn’t go away, but it backed off enough that I could make it to the couch. 

With my arm over my head to block out the light, and Amiga on my feet to keep her usual close watch on me, I was as close to comfortable as it was going to get. Experience told me that the only thing that could make me feel better was time. Whatever made everything go wonky would pass, it always did. It would only feel like an eternity from the inside. I must have dozed, because the next thing I knew, I heard a knock at the door, and Amiga whined from beside me. When I didn’t respond, she nudged me, and whined again. I wanted to roll over and ignore her, but clearly she wasn’t having any of that. 

With an effort, I staggered to the door. I thought it would be some lost traveller. Instead, it was Blair; windblown hair, wide smile, and all. I blinked, uncertain for a moment if he was actually there, or if this was product of a random couch nap, wishful thinking, or a cruel new trick from my vision.

His smile didn’t falter, but he did clear his throat, and rocked back on his heels.“Uh, Jim, this is the part where you’re supposed to invite me in, man.” He all but vibrated with barely restrained energy, and I wondered briefly if this was the more normal Blair or not. 

I opened the door and gestured him in. Every movement felt sluggish, and I wasn’t entirely certain which way was up, so when I closed the door, I leaned heavily against the wall, not sure where to find the energy to make conversation, even with someone I was so glad to see. I turned around, slow and careful, since I hoped to stay standing, and looked at my unexpected guest. That’s when I noticed the basket. It was so big, you’d think I would have noticed it earlier, but all things considered, I could only blink again.

For his part, Blair looked around the cabin, then his gaze came back to me. When he saw what I was looking at, his grin turned a little sheepish. “I realized I never thanked you properly before. I meant to, but with everything that happened, it slipped my mind. And you didn’t call, but I really wanted to do this in person, properly. There’s steak for you, under the rawhide bones,” he explained. “And I won’t even tell if you share your steak.”

We moved out of the entryway, and I smiled. It felt strange to have anything to smile about, given how many things my body had to protest, but I couldn’t help it. “You don’t have to thank me. I’m just glad you’re okay,” I told him. As I talked, my vision wavered so much, it felt like swimming again. I begged my body, and my senses to behave and approximate normal. As usual, they completely ignored me.

Whatever Blair intended to say, I couldn’t hear it. His lips moved, but all I heard was the pulse of my blood in my ears. I must have lost a few minutes. I had no recollection of it, but then I was on the couch, with Blair seated beside me, and Amiga at my feet, even though she looked like she would prefer to be on my lap. 

“Jim, you look terrible,” Blair told me, his hand against my bare arm, below the sleeve of my T-shirt. “What happened? Some kind of flu or something?” The question was gentle, and even gave me an out. 

The worst of the current symptoms backed off as he touched me, so I could have managed the lie. But as I resisted the urge to put my head between my knees, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I could tell him what was really going on, and he would believe me. Try as I might, there was still a large part of me that also wanted to believe he wouldn’t think I was a freak, or worse.

“Okay, the pause here is telling me I’m off base,” Blair told me. “What’s going on?” He didn’t get pushy. He didn’t demand, but he didn’t have to. I managed that on my own. I wanted to tell him so badly, the words all but tumbled out. Habit, and if I was honest, a healthy dose of fear, clenched my teeth. Experience had taught me long ago that the truth about my senses caused nothing but problems. Hell, I was still halfway convinced the problems I had as a kid were the real reason my mom left. And I knew they helped shove Carolyn out the door. And she married me of her own free will, despite what she might have to say about it now. 

The silence lengthened, but Blair only kept his eyes on me and waited patiently. He wasn’t still, but that seemed more and more normal for him. One hand rubbed my arm, the other patted the couch in an attempt to entice Amiga closer.

We might have sat there indefinitely, but Amiga had other ideas. She looked at Blair, but didn’t move closer to him. I thought she would continue to keep my feet warm. Instead, she jumped up to my other side on the sofa. I opened my mouth to order her off; she wasn’t allowed on the furniture without permission and of the two of us, she knew the rules better than I did. Before I could, she head butted my side and spilled me into Blair’s lap. He reacted fast, his arms were around me before I tumbled to the floor. It felt good, too good, all things considered, but I tried to sit up. This time, the man had other ideas, and his hold tightened. 

“No way,” Blair’s voice murmured in my ear. “Your partner thinks you should let me hold you, and I agree with her. If you ask me, I think she knows you should talk to me.” If he felt at all ridiculous, seated on my couch, talking like Amiga was as smart as a person, he didn’t show it. Since I did the same thing with an alarming degree of regularity, I appreciated that. I looked from her, to him, and back again. She barked once, insistently, and I winced at the noise and blew out a breath in a long sigh. Out-manoeuvred and out-voted. 

I let Amiga settle next to me. She was a familiar comfort, and I needed that. Before I could talk myself out of it, I spilled out the whole story. I had to go back a ways, so it took a while, longer than I was used to talking. Once I started, it got easier. I outlined the flare-ups as I went through puberty, and my subsequent suppression, then skipped to adulthood, and my time in the jungle. I explained about the crash and my long delayed rescue, and the sensory problems that cropped back up soon after. The guilt my departure brought back was a surprise, but I told him how much I’d enjoyed police work, and the total unpredictability that had made me leave.

I tried for calm and matter of fact. Still, my voice shook, and I tangled my hand into the long, silky reddish-black hairs just below Amiga’s collar. She turned her head and licked my hand, then settled back, but her gaze was a gentle pressure that encouraged me to continue. So, I told him the rest of it, how I’d left Cascade and come to Fielding in hopes that distance and solitude would help me rediscover my control. How I’d met Dylan was easier to explain. The explanation of how I’d ended up owned by a dog even made me smile. The smile slipped once I got into specifics, how Amiga helped but only so much, the effects of fatigue and stress. None of that was reason for happiness. When I ran out of things to say, it took me a few seconds to look up, but when I did, I had to take a second look.

Rather than scepticism, disbelief, or even worse, condescending humour, Blair’s face was a picture of excitement. “Okay, I’ll admit, that’s a reaction I’ve never seen before,” I admitted. It was hard to hold on to coherence when I felt this lousy, but that much, I was sure of.

Excitement was replaced with sympathy. “I’m sorry you’ve been through so much, of course,” Blair responded. Despite the fact that his obvious distress was on my behalf, it made me wish I had the energy to comfort him. 

“It’s just, if I’m understanding you right, you’ve had all these problems with your senses, and you’ve never had any idea what caused them, or how to control them.” A ball of energy that masqueraded as a man, Blair’s hands gestured an accompaniment to his words, but he continued before I could do more than nod. “I know this is gonna sound crazy, but I think I might know what’s going on with you and if I’m right, I can help you control it,” he finished, his voice quieter, but threaded with an intensity I hadn’t heard from him before. 

“You already do,” I admitted. The words were out before my brain kicked in to even try and filter them. Confronted with Blair’s curious head tilt, combined with the look he gave me, I gave up discretion as a lost cause. “Things are more normal around you, senses-wise.”

You ever noticed when some people are thinking really hard, they get so caught up with what’s inside their head, you could dance naked right in front of them, and they wouldn’t notice? As soon as he heard my admission, I got exactly that vibe from Blair. I watched his eyes get distant. He’d given me time to think a few times, so I tried to do the same for him. Patience has never been my strong suit, so it was probably for the best that he spoke a minute later. Unfortunately, it was more to himself than to me .

“Huh, so maybe you are the reason I got to get off the rollercoaster,” he muttered.

“I know I’m sick, but I am pretty sure you haven’t taken any side trips to the county fair lately, Chief.” In my current state, even the weak attempt at humour took more energy than I would willingly admit. Still it was enough to focus Blair back on me.

He chuckled, but there was too much warmth in it for me to take offense. “You aren’t the only one who has been having problems. As long as we’re confessing, I should tell you, I get input other people don’t get.” It was his turn for nerves, but Blair plunged ahead before I could question him. “Before you ask, my senses all function normally. I just sometimes get impressions of other people’s emotions. Sometimes they’re stronger than others. The clearest, strongest impressions are actually from you. It’s like when I am picking up from you, it blocks out the overload from everyone else or something. I’m not sure. If something bad happens, it can get intense, bad enough to make me physically ill. But I can regulate it better when I’m around you.” His tone tried for nonchalant, but I could feel him tremble. 

Part of me wanted to argue, out of reflex. The idea that anyone could read other people’s feeling like a book should have been crazy. And I wanted to be bothered that he had been picking up from me without telling me. But I hadn’t told him my secrets until now, and had just asked him believe me. It was only fair that I do the same. “All right,” I accepted. “We’re apparently both not quite normal, gotcha. Why do I get the feeling there’s more to it than that?” 

“Well, in order to explain that, I have to tell you what I think is going on with your senses.” When Blair drew back, it was all I could to not to protest. He was careful not to jostle me but he extricated himself. “It will take a while, man. I have some stuff in my car that will help you feel better. I’ll go get it, we’ll get you on the road to fixed up, then I’ll explain.” I moved to get up as he spoke, but he pushed me back down. It took insultingly little effort. “I promise, I’ll be right back, big guy. Stay here, so I don’t have to worry about you falling over.”

In the state I was in, a fall was a likely possibility, so I didn’t argue. That’s how I came to be wrapped in a multi-coloured afghan that smelled faintly of spices I didn’t recognize, as I watched Blair stir a pot on my stove. He looked oddly at home in my kitchen, but that was all right. I liked it. That didn’t mean I looked forward to the taste of whatever bubbled away happily, but that was okay too. I left Cascade because I needed to find some answers about my senses. I hadn’t heard the answers yet, but that didn’t matter so much, with Blair here with me. Whatever he had to tell me, I would accept it. Hopefully, we would be able to work together to discover the path to control, for both of us. Either way, one thing was certain. Whatever revelations he had, we would face them together, because there was no way I could let him go, now that he’d found me.   



End file.
